Chasing Bigfoot

Well now, let me tell you a, mostly true, tall tale. Come on, gather around, I aint in no mood to go yelling my lil tale to the entire world. Its mostly a secret you know.

About 10- 20 years ago, I don’t rightly remember when it waz,  I was in this dense wooded area, and I could just feel an entire congress of bigfoot watching me. A congress, that what I call a bunch of them critters. Why, I’m sure their must have been 20 or more of them big harry beast just watching me. Well now, let me tell you I had chills running up and down my spine, that’s for sure.

I slowly opened the door of my super jacked up jeep, and climbed down the 3 steps then did the final 4 foot drop landing on my feet of course. Just as I hit the ground a game warden walked up, looked over my rig, asking if I was after a bigfoot. Maybe it was the Bigfoot hunter, that I hand painted on the side of the jeep that gave it away, I don’t know . But Anyway, I says, grinning from ear to ear, I says to him, I shore is, then I whipped out my official World Wide Bigfoot Hunting license, explaning I waz a most serious bigfoot hunter, he was extremely impressed and said that most people only have a national license. I explained that I aint no amateur. Then I says, anyway I aint got me no gun, with a huge smile plastered on my face, I tell him I carry a camera, then from my shirt pocket I took out my 10,000 mm super duper telephoto, folds up and fits in the palm of your hand, camera and lens. I go in to explain to him, I got this marvelous thing off one of them there late night TV shows, You know the one where it’s guaranteed to get your picture of bigfoot in 30 days or less or your $1.99 back, you just pay the $29.99 shipping and restocking fee. Well folks that was just too good of a deal for an experienced bigfoot hunter like me to pass up.

So anyways, after the game warden wishes me good luck, I stealthy make my way in the woods after about 7 -8 hours I made it about 30 feet being extra quiet you know, anyway after a few days I came across this area 2-3 acres where all these big ole trees were knocked down and split apart. Some of them was split in half and others were broken in pieces.

Well now what caused this was a real head scratcher for me, I picked up a small splinter and started picking my teeth with it, thinking what in the world could have happened here. Then it dawned on me, I bet a big ole bigfoot, he busted open all these trees in search of the perfect toothpick, bigfoots are mighty particular about their toothpicks you know, they’ll spend a day or more busting open trees until they fine the perfect toothpick, it needs to come from the very center of the tree too, you know.

After pondering it a bit , I’m betting that that bigfoot probably even planted these trees 50-60 years ago knowing that one day he would come back needing a toothpick, they is some forward thinking critters you know.

Stealthy like a snail, continuing my search about 3 days later I finally found me a bigfoot. Only problem was that big harry guy spied me about the same time.

He lets out this loud screech, it was so loud it hurt my ears and I’m pretty sure my heart quit beating for about 2 minutes, I was frozen in place just watching.

This big ole bigfoot starts waving his arm in this circular motion real fast like, after a couple seconds the sky starts getting real dark, there’s thunder and lighting, the wind picks up, bigfoot is still waving his arm, when a tornado starts to form.

The tornado starts off small then gets bigger and bigger, after a couple of minutes bigfoot, well he, gives the tornado a big push and it starts moving then the strangest thing I ever saw happened. This bigfoot after giving this tornado a push to get it moving, well now he up and jumped on it and starts climbing up it. he gets about 1/2 way up it, gives me a big ole smile and a wave and off he goes, disappearing, riding a monster tornado like it was a show pony.

I was so stunned that by the time I remembered my camera it was full dark and I couldn’t see him no more.

I followed that path of destruction across 3 counties, that bigfoot plumb up and disappeared, but I know he rode the tornado to the end because at the end of the trail of destruction was a lone bigfoot foot print.

It took me about a month to finally make it back to my jeep and after climbing in I sees written in the dust that had settled on the windshield.

Sorry you missed me maybe next time.
BF

If you made it to the end of this silly BS you must really be craving something to keep you occupied durning your covid lock up. 

The End